At Feeld, we know that self-discovery is an ongoing, ever-evolving process. Sometimes, answers feel clearly defined, and other times they feel more flexible. Still, wherever you are in your journey, having clarity around your priorities—and the language to describe them—can make connections feel more fulfilling.
That’s why we created Reflections—an academically-backed tool designed to help you unpack your desires, boundaries, and relationships, developed in collaboration with the University of Michigan.
Reflections offers in-depth results for individuals, while also providing illuminating insights into the preferences of Feeld members more broadly: The importance of long-term commitment, for example? Rated, on average, at 75%. Average kink affinity? 56%.
Let’s dive beyond the surface into exactly what Reflections reveals…
What the Reflections tool measures (and who’s using it)
Reflections digs into three domains: desires, boundaries, and relationships, all containing a series of sub-domains and questions. For each question, respondents answer on a 7-step scale, indicating how closely they align with a statement, or how much they like an act. At the end of each domain, you’ll be given a “score” for each sub-domain, indicating your alignment with the respective areas.
Poly and ethically non-monogamous (ENM) people are 48% more likely to take Reflections. Women and queer folks of all genders were the early torch-bearers, but straight and flexible men have since caught up.
Committed doesn’t mean closed
Whether exploring monogamy, polyamory, open relationships, relationship anarchy, or a different dynamic, Reflections-takers remain focused on long-term commitment. The average score (aka, level of importance) for long-term commitment was 75%. Meanwhile, the score for non-monogamy was 68%—showing how ENM and lasting commitment can thrive together.
Discussing how they navigate non-monogamy in long-term relationships, Feeld member and ambassador Nico U shared that, “[A particular] fluidity shows up in my experience with ENM. My wants and needs with ENM are always evolving. While I’ll always be a non-monogamous person, I go through periods where I only want to be with my long-term partner. I like taking away a self-prescribed pressure to be with multiple people at once solely to ‘validate’ my non-monogamous label.”
Red flag awareness
As we improve our collective language for voicing our needs and boundaries, we’re also improving our perception of red flags—signs that a connection could become problematic, or that it makes you feel confused, unsafe, or uncared for.
Reflections respondents received an average score of 86% for awareness of red flags—showing a high level of attunement. On the relationship between reflection and redirection, Feeld member and ambassador Fopé explained that, “Self-reflection is a way to check if I’m making decisions that actually work for me, or if I need to course correct.”
What intentional dating actually looks like (according to the data)
Intentional dating means approaching connections transparently and honestly, leading with communication, and being clear about what you’re looking for. Reflections is helping the Feeld community to gain even more clarity around their own priorities, paving the way for intentionality.
According to the numbers, about 1 in 10 people who complete Reflections tap to share their results—showing a desire to communicate elements of their identity and preferences with others. What’s more, Reflections-takers are 80% more likely to be photo verified on Feeld, with members prioritizing transparency.
Feeld members have anecdotally reported exploring changes to their search preferences and profile information after taking Reflections—suggesting a shift to becoming more intentional around what they’re seeking, and who they’re looking to connect with. (On profiles, bios are most likely to be edited, followed by desires, hidden bios, and interests).
Discussing how they will take their Reflections results forward, Nico added: “In the past, I would approach casual intimate connections with high levels of inauthenticity. I’d succumb to people-pleasing or convince myself I liked something when I didn’t… While it happens much less now, I’ll still occasionally give in to this instinct to present as someone I’m not. My Reflections results revealed that I can improve upon my self expression, and perhaps I can challenge myself to stay true to my actual wants, needs, and desires.”
Prioritizing self-consent
Before communicating with others, self-consent focuses on internally recognizing your own needs and boundaries first.
For Reflections-takers, the average scoring on voice and consent was 78%—showing a high affinity with knowing and communicating individual boundaries. Elsewhere, the average score for alignment with safer sex practices was also high at 73%.
Fopé shared how Reflections helped them learn more about the shifting nature of boundaries: “I realized how deeply I process in real time. I used to tell myself this meant I was inconsistent or processing ‘wrong.’ A yes can become a no. A no can become a maybe. Desire shifts. And that’s okay!”
Deep dating
Similarly, there's a newfound cultural focus on deep dating—aka dating with self-knowledge, clarity on your desires, and the language to discuss them.
The average score related to feeling authentic in sex was 67%, while it was 54% for self-expression—alongside higher scores for other elements of the boundaries domain.
On how their Reflections results will shape their journey, Fopé explained: “I’m trying to be more honest with myself about the kinds of relationships, or really the kinds of experiences, I actually want. Too often I’ve let romance and sexual dalliances just happen to me, hoping that maybe, if I’m lucky, we’ll stumble into a dynamic that gives me what I need… But this life is short… It’s time to be deliberate about what I go after and what I say yes to!”
Elsewhere, Feeld member S added: “Taking Reflections made me realize I'm still figuring out what it means to be my authentic self during sex. There's a lot more room to explore. It got me thinking, what would it actually feel and look like to be totally myself in intimate moments? I'm excited to explore this more and have fun with the discovery process.”
To find out more about how we created Reflections, read our roundtable on designing for desire. For a deeper dive into the impact on our members, take a look at our roundup of realizations, plus a Week on Feeld post-Reflections.
Ready to discover where your curiosity might take you? We’re waiting for you on Feeld.
