The physical and/or emotional care that happens after sexual activity.

A person who does not identify themselves as having a gender, or who may identify themselves as gender-neutral. Alternative terms include genderfree, ungendered, or genderblank.

Androgynosexual humans feel sexual, romantic and/or emotional attraction to humans with both masculine and feminine features.

Androgyny is a gender expression characterised by a combination of both masculine and feminine characteristics.

Androsexual humans are primarily sexually, romantically and/or aesthetically attracted to masculinity (though not necessarily to men). The term is usually used by genderqueer rather than by heterosexual or gay humans.

Aromantic humans do not experience traditional romantic attraction, although they may still experience sexual attraction.

Asexual humans do not experience sexual attraction in a traditional sense. Unlike celibacy, which is a lifestyle choice, asexuality is an intrinsic part of a human's sexual identity. However there is much diversity among asexual humans in how they experience relationships, attraction and arousal; it’s common for asexual humans to still seek romantic and emotional connections.

Autosexual is a human who is sexually attracted to and aroused by their own body. But masturbation does not automatically make a human autosexual (just as having sex doesn’t make a human sexual).

A term that includes a wide range of erotic practices generally relating to control and/or pain. Activities can be broken down into categories of bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sadism and masochism.

A bi-curious person is someone who’s questioning or open to exploring attraction to more than one gender. Unlike bisexuality, which tends to describe a more established orientation, bi-curiosity is about openness, exploration, and seeing where different connections might lead. This can, but doesn’t always, lead to identifying as bisexual or with another label.

Bigender humans have two distinct gender identities - for example they could identify as both male and female, or as two other gender identities. They may identify as both simultaneously, or move between the two.

Sometimes shortened to “bi,” bisexual people feel sexual, romantic, and/or emotional attraction to more than one gender. This can include attraction to people of the same gender and to those of another gender, though how that attraction is experienced can vary and shift over time. While bisexuality is often understood as attraction to multiple genders, it’s distinct from identities like pansexuality, which some people describe as attraction regardless of gender.

The practice of being physically and consensually restrained for sexual satisfaction; think being tied up, handcuffs, and more.

Boundaries are basic guidelines we set for ourselves to show others how we want to be treated and communicated with. They can be emotional, physical, sexual, or relational—for example, this might include what feels good, what doesn’t, and what we’re open to exploring. Boundaries can shift over time and change depending on the dynamics or the people involved. They make space for connection that feels respectful, safe, and mutually fulfilling.

An insolent sub who misbehaves, argues, and challenges their dom.

A physical (and/or emotional) relationship without the commitments and expectations of a more formal, traditionally monogamous relationship.

Someone whose gender identity aligns with the one they were assigned at birth.

Consent means agreeing to intimacy, sexual activity, or sex between two or more people. It’s non-negotiable, and must be mutual, freely given, enthusiastic, informed, specific, reversible, and ongoing. Just because someone has said yes before doesn’t mean it’s a yes forever, or a yes to everything.

Giving and receiving consent means you’re respecting your partner(s)’ physical and emotional boundaries, and they yours—creating safe and fulfilling sexual experiences. More than just sex, consent is about having control over your own body, the right to change your mind or say no at any time, and the responsibility to honor other people’s emotional and physical boundaries.


Two people connected through a relationship that carries some form of commitment, be it emotional, romantic, sexual, practical, or otherwise. In non-monogamous dynamics, couples might explore together or separately, setting boundaries that reflect care for each other while leaving space for curiosity and new connections.

Meeting for sex or other types of intimacy in a public place—sometimes outdoors, or in venues like a bar or club—usually for one-off, anonymous connections.

A cuckold is a person—traditionally a man—who finds pleasure in their partner being intimate with someone else. This can take many forms: watching in person, hearing the details afterwards, or imagining it. Sometimes, the play includes themes of power, vulnerability, or erotic humiliation, though each person’s experience is unique.

A cuckquean is a person—traditionally a woman—who finds pleasure in their partner being intimate with another human. The turn-on might be rooted in elements of jealousy, desire, voyeurism, or power dynamics, and—for many—it can be explored as a space of intensity, curiosity, or even empowerment.


Meeting another human (or multiple humans) for an activity out of the bedroom, that may or may not lead to activity within the bedroom.

Someone who you spend time with romantically or prospectively. Often, this person is someone you’re just getting to know romantically, sexually, or both.

Demiromantic humans need to establish a strong emotional or sexual connection with a partner before they feel a romantic connection to them.

Similar to the concept of demiromantic, above, demisexuals are humans who do not experience sexual attraction to another person unless they have formed a strong emotional connection.

A Dom, short for dominant, is someone who takes the leading role in a consensual BDSM or power-exchange dynamic. They take total (or partial) power over someone in a submissive role, dictating the pace, structure, and direction of an encounter, often setting rules or giving commands that a submissive partner has agreed to follow. 

A BDSM term for a human within a power dynamic who takes total, or partial, control over the human in the commands, while the submissive is the one who obeys. The dominant within the power dynamic takes total (or partial) power over the human in the submissive role.

A femme version of the person who takes the dominant role in a BDSM dynamic. The domme takes total (or partial) power over the person in the submissive role.

Getting as close to orgasm as possible, then stopping. This is repeated until the person can no longer stand it, and finally—release. Can be practiced alone or with a partner.

A person who you have promised to wed, either culturally, legally or both. 

Open and honest connection with more than one person, with consent from all involved. Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is an umbrella term for relationship structures that exist outside of monogamy, where people may have—or are open to having—multiple sexual and/or romantic partners at the same time. The term is similar to consensual non-monogamy (CNM), with ENM placing more emphasis on ethical, respectful practices—and a commitment to transparency, care, and mutual respect.

Exhibitionism is a sexual interest in being seen or watched by others. This might involve being naked, expressing yourself sexually, pleasuring yourself, or being sexual with someone else. The appeal can come from being seen, from the vulnerability of sharing yourself, or from the excitement of knowing someone is watching. When it’s practiced ethically, exhibitionism is grounded in consent. Everyone involved—whether participating or watching—knows what’s happening and has agreed to it, so the experience is shared rather than imposed.


A fetish is a sexual interest focused on a specific object, body part, sensation, or scenario that enhances pleasure. For some people, a fetish is central to arousal; for others, it’s just one of many things they enjoy. Fetishes are more common than people often realize. Like all sexual interests, what matters most is that they’re explored with consent, communication, and care for everyone involved.

A threesome where all participants identify as women.

A threesome where two participants identify as female, and one identifies as male.

For fictosexual people, fictional characters—whether from anime, games, or novels—evoke desires deeper than any experienced with real-life people.

A catch-all term for all the intimate and sexy activities that aren’t the act of penetrative sex itself.

Synonyms: euphoria, Kesha, bliss, free n*pples, tits out.

The power to act, speak, or think as the baddie one is. To find Freedomme means to experience a moment of ecstatic liberation, where you remember you are your own top. Domme of your domain. There is nothing you can’t speak into existence, and there is no restriction to your expression of gender, sexuality, or anything else.

A person with whom you share mutual affection. This affection usually manifests itself outside sexual or romantic expression, but not always.

An emotional connection between two people that isn’t defined by a sexual element.

A person with whom you share mutual affection and casual sexual interactions.

Friends With Benefits. A casual relationship between two humans based on mutual respect, but without the expectation of commitment.

A colloquial term used to describe humans who feel sexual, romantic and/or emotional attraction to people of the same gender. For women, ‘lesbian’ would also apply and could be the preferred term.

Genderfluid humans move between different gender identities at different times. They may move between one gender at a time, or identify as several different ones.

Gender-nonconforming refers to humans whose gender expression does not match their socially prescribed gender identity. In other words, they are humans whose behavioural, cultural, or psychological presentation does not correspond with the traits typically associated with their gender.

A person who does not follow binary gender norms; a term similar to non-binary, but considered by some to be a more politically-charged identity, by ‘queering’ ideas of gender.

A human engaged in the process of figuring out how best to describe their gender identity.

A term popularised by Dan Savage to define the qualities of an excellent sexual partner: good (in bed), giving (of time and pleasure), and game (for exploring and being open-minded).

GrayA (or Greysexual) refers to humans who very rarely experience sexual attraction.

Sex between three or more consenting humans.

Gynesexual humans are primarily sexually, romantically and/or aesthetically attracted to femininity (though not necessarily to women).

Heteroflexible humans are primarily sexually and/or romantically attracted to genders other than their own, but are also open to having sexual and/or romantic interactions with humans of the same gender. The term often refers to humans who are predominantly heterosexual, but are sometimes sexually attracted to (or curious about exploring with) members of the same sex.

Heterosexual humans feel sexual, romantic and/or emotional attraction to a person of the opposite (binary) gender, i.e. women attracted to men, or men to women.

Homoflexible describes someone who’s primarily attracted to people of the same gender but open to exploring sexual or romantic connections with people of another gender. It’s a way of expressing attraction that leaves room for fluidity and curiosity, without necessarily changing how someone identifies.

Intersex people are born with any variation in sex characteristics including anatomy, reproductive organs and/or chromosomes patterns that do not fit the typical definition of male or female. An intersex person may have any gender identity or sexual orientation.

Kink is a broad term for sexual interests, practices, or fantasies that fall outside of what’s conventionally considered “vanilla.” It might involve specific sensations, dynamics, or forms of play such as power exchange, restraint, role play, or fetish. What makes something kinky isn’t always the act itself, but the intention and consent behind it.

Lesbian refers to women who feel sexual, romantic and/or emotional attraction towards women. Some non-binary humans may also identify with this term.

A person who you have or have had a sexual relationship with. Romance is not necessarily a factor.

A person you have wed, either culturally, legally, or both. Marriage is often a recognized partnership that carries shared rights, responsibilities, and commitments but it can also be a deeply personal choice, built on love, trust, and companionship. What it means, and how it’s defined, can vary widely across cultures and from person to person.

A metamour is your partner's partner, in the context of ethically non-monogamous or polyamorous relationships. It’s someone you’re connected to through a shared partner, but don’t typically have a romantic or sexual connection with yourself (though you might).

A threesome where two participants identify as male, and one identifies as female.

A threesome between three male-identifying participants.

A nesting partner is someone you share a home with, often within a polyamorous or non-monogamous relationship. You might split bills, raise children, share a bed, or go through life together, but this doesn't mean you have to be romantically or sexually involved. While a nesting partner can also be a primary partner, the term mainly describes cohabitation and the practical side of connection, rather than hierarchy or emotional priority.

A non-binary person has a gender identity which cannot be defined within the traditional binary of male or female. It’s a broad term which encompasses many ways to identify.

Object sexuality or objectophilia is a form of sexual and/or romantic attraction focussing on specific inanimate objects.

Omnisexuality is characterised by sexual desire and/or attraction that is not limited to people of a particular gender identity or sexual orientation.

Pangender or omnigender people identify with a multiplicity of genders, either at the same time or fluctuating between them, similarly to gender-fluid.

A human who feels attraction to other humans regardless of gender identity.

An individual with whom you’re in a relationship.

Pegging is anal penetration using a strap-on dildo, and it can be enjoyed by people of any gender or sexual identity. Coined in 2001, the term originally referred to a cisgender woman penetrating a cisgender man, but it has since evolved to be more expansive. Now, the defining feature of pegging is simply that there’s a strap-on and anal sex involved—regardless of the gender or sexual identities of the people doing it.

In the world of polyamory, a play partner is someone with whom you engage in non-monogamous, recreational, and often casual sexual and/or romantic activities. 

Polyamory means having or being open to multiple romantic or intimate relationships at the same time, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Polyamorous relationships may vary in emotional depth or hierarchy, emphasizing love and connection beyond sex. For many, polyamory rejects the idea that one person should meet every need you have, creating space for love, connection, fulfillment, and the different ways intimacy can unfold.


Polysexuals are humans who are romantically or sexually attracted to some, but not all, genders.

A primary partner is a term used in some hierarchical polyamorous or non-monogamous relationships to describe a partner who holds a central or prioritized place in someone’s life. They might live together, be married, have children, or share other major life commitments like finances or decision-making. Not all polyamorous or non-monogamous relationships use this kind of hierarchy; some people prefer non-hierarchical or relationship-anarchist approaches instead.

Queer is term used by humans who reject specific labels of sexual and romantic orientation, and/or gender identity. Originally a slur, it has been reclaimed as a term of expression which encompasses a wide range of identities and behaviours. It’s a term which is often politically-charged and indicates a rejection of traditional norms (eg. as in ‘genderqueer’, above).

Someone with whom you are in a committed, intimate relationship that is not romantic in nature. 

A relationship style rooted in politically anarchic principles, the foremost being that every relationship should be built around values mutually agreed upon by the people involved. It rejects hierarchy and the idea of prioritizing one primary relationship, and celebrates placing equal value on romantic, sexual, platonic, and familial connections. Simply put, relationship anarchy is about autonomy, consent, and creating relationships defined by choice rather than convention.

Assuming a character or scene for the specific purpose of sexual excitement. (This is no community theater.)

A type of sexual play that veers towards a wilder nature. Think less gentle caresses, and more slaps, grips, and bites.

Someone who finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing.

A secondary partner is someone with whom you have a sexual or romantic relationship with beyond your primary partner.

Being particularly into receiving or giving pleasure that involves the senses, such as light touch and taste.

The belief that sex is a natural, healthy part of life and nothing to be ashamed of. It’s about having an open, curious, and respectful attitude toward sexuality—your own and others’—while recognizing that everyone’s boundaries, preferences, and experiences deserve the same respect. Being sex positive doesn’t mean always saying yes to sex, being sexually adventurous, or even sexually active at all. It’s a mindset, rather than a behavior. One rooted in consent, communication, and acceptance. Someone who’s sex positive supports honest conversations about desire and pleasure, sex education that is inclusive of all gender identities and sexualities, and the idea that any consensual, safe sex (or choice not to have sex) is equally valid.


A human not committed to a specific partner.

Skoliosexual humans are primarily sexually, romantically and/or aesthetically attracted to genderqueer, transgender and/or non-binary humans.
Note that this label is considered controversial: while some genderqueer and non-binary humans use it to find peers, some people see it as fetishising and othering. Because of this, we kindly ask our cisgender members to refrain from using this sexuality label.

The counterpoint to the dom/domme, submissives receive sexual pleasure and gratification from the relinquishing of power and control to another.

The counterpoint to dom / dominant, submissives receive sexual pleasure and gratification from the relinquishing of power and control to another in the bedroom.

A switch is someone who enjoys both dominant and submissive roles in sexual or BDSM dynamics. They might take the lead in one moment and surrender in the next, or shift between both within a single encounter, depending on the mood, partner, or energy between them. The term is often used alongside “vers,” short for versatile. While both describe people who enjoy giving and receiving, switch usually refers to kink and power dynamics rather than just sex.

Messaging another human in ways that can be both conversational and/or sensual.

An enthusiastically consensual sexual encounter between three humans.

Paraphernalia of any sort that heightens pleasure, alone or with others. (Dildos, strap-ons, cock rings. A feather also works.) 

People who were assigned male at birth, but who identify more with femininity than masculinity. Transfeminine people often prefer to present femininely or to transition to feminine gender expression, but do not always identify as female.

Trans men (or FtM/MtM) are people assigned female at birth (or born with intersex characteristics) but who identify as male. Trans men can have any sexual orientation.

The counterpoint to Transfeminine, this term refers to people who were assigned female at birth, but who identify with masculinity to a greater extent than with femininity. While transmasculine people usually prefer a more masculine gender expression, they do not necessarily always identify as male.

Transgender women are people assigned male at birth (or born with certain intersex characteristics) but who identify as female. Trans women can have any sexual orientation.

Two Spirit is a culturally distinct gender that encompasses possessing aspects of both a feminine and masculine spirit. It refers to the one of many mixed gender roles traditionally found among many Native Americans and Canadian First Nations indigenous groups. People who are not Native American should refrain from calling themselves Two-Spirit.

Those who love the classically pleasurable.

Aftercare

What is aftercare? How to nurture emotional wellbeing after sex and BDSM play

What is subspace?

Learning the language of desire