Open relationships, polyamory, non-monogamy: What’s the difference, really?

We might be collectively becoming more curious about non-monogamy (Feeld’s 2024 State of Dating Report, in collaboration with the Kinsey Institute, found that ethical non-monogamy was the single most preferred relationship style among Millennials and Gen X). But when it comes to the different types of ENM—from open relationships to polyamory, the terms may still feel a little confusing. 

With the help of sex and relationships therapist Sara Al-Khedairy, let’s take a look at the ways in which open relationships and polyamory overlap, where they differ, and how both dynamics play out in practice.

Wherever you are in your journey, understanding your deepest desires—and feeling confident communicating them—can open the door to greater self-awareness and more fulfilling connections. That’s why we created Reflections, a free self-discovery tool for the curious. Go beyond the surface with Feeld.

Consensual and ethical non-monogamy explained

Consensual non-monogamy is an umbrella term for relationship structures where partners agree that exclusivity isn't required. That exclusivity might be sexual, romantic, or both—but what matters most is that everyone involved knows what's happening and consents to it.

You'll also hear the term ethical non-monogamy (ENM). For most people, ENM and CNM are used interchangeably. Both describe relationship dynamics built on transparency and agreement rather than secrecy, with ENM placing slightly more emphasis on practicing non-monogamy ethically and respectfully.

Under this umbrella sit many different relationship styles including open relationships, polyamory, swinging (usually couples exploring sexual experiences with others together), solo polyamory (maintaining multiple relationships while prioritizing independence), and more. Some people might use the same terms to describe slightly different dynamics, and each term or relationship structure will mean something unique to each person.

That’s why it can help to think of these labels as rough guides rather than strict definitions. They’re tools for describing lived experience, not rigid boxes you have to squeeze yourself into. What matters more than the word you choose is whether the agreements behind it are clear, mutual, and intentional.

Curious about the different ways people practice non-monogamy? Check out our guide to ENM relationship types, and for a closer look at how multiple relationships work in practice, see our guide to poly dynamics.

What’s the difference between open relationships and polyamory?

An open relationship usually refers to a primary partnership that allows sexual, and sometimes romantic, connections outside the relationship. Polyamory, by contrast, involves having multiple loving, committed relationships at the same time. 

There's no one-size-fits-all way to do open relationships or polyamory. Both can look different depending on the people involved. Still, Al-Khedairy offers some guidance on how they may take shape. 

"The term ‘open relationship’ is often used to characterize relationships in which partners have the opportunity to pursue consensually non-monogamous connections outside of their initial dyad [pair]," says Al-Khedairy. Such connections could be sexual, romantic, and emotional, though they may often be mainly sexual. However, it's common—albeit not universal—for them to be considered more casual, or secondary, to the primary relationship.

"Polyamory, meanwhile, is a type of relationship in which one or more partners engage in other romantic, loving, and often sexual relationships at the same time," Al-Khedairy continues. It's built on the belief that you can be in love—and have meaningful, responsible relationships—with several partners at once. So, each relationship is treated as a commitment, which all other partners know about and respect.

"Some people also see being polyamorous as an identity," Al-Khedairy adds, "which is to say that someone can still be polyamorous even if they are not currently in relationships with others."

What open relationships can mean in practice

In open relationships, there may be a mutual understanding that the primary relationship is the priority. Partners might explore casual or sex-only connections with others, while reserving romantic love and emotional investment only for each other (but again, this isn't universal).

You might explore connections together (e.g. swinging or dating others as a couple) and/or separately. If you’re exploring independently, you may set boundaries around the types of intimacy on the table, or how frequently you meet others. 

For example, you may choose to pursue a “don’t ask don’t tell” dynamic vs a disclosed one, or you might discuss whether your dynamic will involve only sex, or relationships too. Take a look at our guide to setting boundaries and agreements in ENM relationships for more insight. 

What polyamory can mean in practice

Polyamory generally refers to having multiple romantic relationships at the same time, with everyone's knowledge and consent. It's rooted in the idea that love doesn't have to be exclusive—that caring deeply for one person doesn't limit your capacity to care for another. For some people, polyamory feels like an identity, reflecting how they're naturally inclined to form connections. For others, it's a relationship structure they consciously choose.

With polyamory, where you might be juggling multiple committed relationships at one time, communication around agreements and boundaries is similarly vital—but it's likely that these discussions will be focused around how time and energy will be spent across partners; how holidays and special occasions are handled, and how to balance everyone's wants and needs. 

Poly dynamics can be hierarchical (involving primary and secondary relationships), or non-hierarchical. Then there are structures like kitchen-table poly, where all partners spend time together. You might also choose to build an “open poly” dynamic, meaning partners are free to spark up connections with new people, or "closed polyamory," meaning you've agreed not to actively date or pursue further relationships beyond the ones you're currently in. 

To find out more about which structure might be right for you, take a look at our guide to different poly dynamics.

Types of open relationships

When someone says they're "open," that could mean a lot of different things. Maybe they're open sexually, but emotionally exclusive. Maybe they're deeply in love with one partner while also romantically connected to someone else. Maybe they explore together. Maybe they date separately. Or maybe they're still figuring out what works for them.

So rather than trying to pin down one rigid definition, it's more helpful to look at some of the ways open relationships actually show up in real life.

Sexually open, emotionally exclusive relationships

For some couples, openness is primarily about sex. They might feel deeply committed to one another emotionally, but agree that sexual experiences don’t have to be limited to the relationship. That could look like occasional hookups while traveling, ongoing friends-with-benefits situations, or encounters at sex-positive events.

What tends to stay exclusive is emotional intimacy: romantic love, long-term planning, shared life decisions. The understanding is often, we explore sexually, but we’re emotionally anchored here. Of course, how that’s defined and what counts as “emotional” is something each partnership negotiates for themselves.

Open relationships with romantic flexibility

Other couples might still see each other as primary partners, while leaving room for romantic connections outside the relationship. That could mean regularly dating someone else, taking trips together, or building a deeper emotional bond along the way.

Imagine someone who lives with a long-term partner but also has another partner they see every week and care about deeply. There may still be hierarchy but the love itself isn't restricted to one person. This can be where open relationships begin to overlap with polyamory.

Swinging and shared-experience open relationships

Some open relationships are less about independent dating and more about shared experience. 

Swinging typically involves partners exploring sexually with others together. They might attend events, connect with other couples, or create joint dating profiles. The emphasis isn't usually on building separate romantic bonds, it's on mutual and shared exploration.

For many, this model strengthens the sense of "us." Openness becomes something you do as a team, rather than something you pursue individually.

Solo poly vs. open relationship

Solo polyamory prioritizes individual autonomy, allowing someone to have multiple committed relationships without organizing their life around a primary partner. Meanwhile, open relationships tend to be couple-centered, expanding outward from an existing partnership.

By contrast, solo polyamory doesn't revolve around a core couple. A solo poly person may have multiple loving, ongoing relationships, but they don't necessarily seek a primary partner or relationship escalation as the default goal.

Dating autonomy can look different, too. In many open relationships, partners negotiate boundaries together as a unit. Someone practicing solo polyamory will usually make more independent decisions about who they date and how those relationships develop, while still practicing transparency and care.

A common misunderstanding is that solo poly means casual or non-committal. It doesn't. These relationships can be deeply intimate and long-term. The distinction isn't about emotional depth, it's about whether the structure is couple-centric or autonomy-centric.

How to know which relationship style might fit you

This might take some research and self-reflection to figure out.

As a first step, "explore and learn as much as you can, from as many sources as you can," recommends Al-Khedairy. "Books, podcasts, blogs, Reddit threads, conversations with friends (who are safe and affirming), events, training, and working with a CNM-informed therapist can all be useful in helping people learn more about what's out there."

It can be helpful to consider your needs, values, and priorities—and which relationship style best aligns with them. That includes thinking about things like your emotional capacity, how much time you realistically have to invest in relationships, and how interconnected you'd want different partners to be.

As a starting point, Al-Khedairy recommends asking yourself questions like:

• Are you interested primarily in sexual connections, deeply emotional connections, or both?
• Would you want to keep your relationships largely independent of one another, or would you prefer some level of interaction between partners?
• How much time and emotional capacity do you realistically have to invest in multiple relationships?
• How important is personal independence versus building a shared partnership structure?

You can learn more in our guides to the different ENM dynamics and poly structures. If you’re curious about exploring your own preferences, you can try Reflections, our self-discovery tool designed to help you learn more about your desires, boundaries, and priorities in relationships.

Resources and support

Communities and support networks

"In my early exploration [of ENM]," Al-Khedairy says, "I came to value being able to have conversations with other CNM people. Learning about their experiences often supported me in figuring out what I was interested in, or clarified what I was not interested in."

To this end, many cities have ENM-themed meetups, discussion groups, or online spaces where you can share experiences, ask questions, and learn from others in the community. Elsewhere, you can find out more about involving your existing network in our guide to explaining polyamory to family and friends. 

Books and online resources

For deep dives in book form, Al-Khedairy recommends:

• Polysecure by Jessica Fern
• Designer Relationships by Patricia Johnson and Mark A. Michaels
• The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy
• The Anxious Person's Guide to Non-Monogamy by Lola Phoenix

For broader digital resources, she advises checking out:

• The Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy (OPEN), who Feeld partnered with for their latest Uncharted Territory report.
• The Multiamory Podcast

Both open relationships and polyamory can be rich and fulfilling alternatives to traditional relationship structures. Whether either is right for you depends on your needs, values, desires, and priorities—and figuring out what exactly those are is a continuous journey. If you're curious to explore your wants and desires more deeply, try Reflections—a free self-discovery tool for the curious.

There are plenty of people on Feeld on a similar journey, too. If you’re ready to connect with others, you can tag desires like poly, ENM, and open relationship on your profile, and you can add existing partners to your Constellation. Go beyond your surface with Feeld.