Faces of Feeld, monogamy edition

Feeld is proud to be a place where people can explore different relationship structures. This week, we wanted to turn our gaze towards monogamy: a mainstream idea that needs neither an introduction nor a defense, but which could benefit from some inquiry towards a deeper understanding. What is monogamy, and who gets to define it? Who practices monogamy, and how do individual experiences change our collective understanding of it? What are the cultural histories of monogamy, and in which ways are they evolving? What are the benefits of it, and which boundaries are upheld by its limitations? The week to come offers a dedicated deconstruction of—as well as an open invitation to reconsider—the concept of monogamous commitment. 

A few weeks ago, Feeld was able to get up close and personal with a few monogamous users of the app. We asked Alexandra, Andres, Connie, Javad, and Maegan their thoughts on monogamy, their dating experiences, and what keeps them on Feeld—read their answers below. 

Alexandra 

I am a single person seeking a monogamous relationship. 

What are your thoughts on monogamy? 

For me, monogamy is about personal desire. I often wish I was poly and didn’t crave a one-on-one relationship, but the heart wants what it wants. 

How would you describe your dating style? 

Persistent, optimistic—dating is obviously exhausting in this city and I have to take breaks, but [I] never give up when gently approaching the pursuit of love. 

What brought you to Feeld? 

Something new! 

What keeps you on Feeld? 

Still new-ish—enjoying the honesty and openness here.  

What is your favorite Feeld story or memory? 

A five-hour barhop in Greenpoint with a kind and engaging soul.

What kind of people are you looking for?

The basic desires—hot, smart, fun, honest, looking for more than just sex ideally. 

Ideal first date?

Grab a couple of drinks, decide to take shrooms and go see live music together, and a connected night of sex. 

Andres

I am currently in a monogamous relationship.

What are your thoughts on monogamy? 

It may be more of a problem than people are willing to admit.

How would you describe your dating style? 

I enjoy spoiling my partner. Be spontaneous and extra affectionate in the streets; dominate in the sheets. I aim to uplift and please my partner.

What brought you to Feeld?

As someone who is very comfortable talking about sex and proudly sexual, I find it to be the best place to find like-minded people

What keeps you on Feeld?

The option to find play partners.

What is your favorite Feeld story or memory? 

I once matched with a woman who didn't have any photos of herself, so I had no idea what she looked like…but her bio was so well written it turned me on. I felt compelled to give her a like. Turns out she's really hot, and she has a great personality. What are the odds?

What kind of people are you looking for?

Subby women who want to play. Hopefully with my girlfriend and I.

Ideal first date? 

Somewhere we can have a real conversation and feel each other's vibes. Nice restaurant, bar, lounge. Not somewhere too loud or crowded. The plan is to get to know each other and be comfortable with each other.

Connie

I am a single person seeking a monogamous relationship. 

What are your thoughts on monogamy? 

I’d rather be obsessed with one person at a time.

How would you describe your dating style? 

Chaotic Good. 

What brought you to Feeld?

The opposite of monogamy lmaooooo

What keeps you on Feeld?

The queer community.

What is your favorite Feeld story or memory? 

My first ever Feeld date was a platonic connection on New Year’s Eve. They drove me to Riis beach and it was cold and foggy. We read poetry books in the car and discussed our goals for the year. Then, we walked to the empty beach. We got naked, and jumped into the sea.

What kind of people are you looking for?

People who live in New York who are able to ask me on a date and then show up for the date. (The bar is the floor.)

Ideal first date? 

Something where we go somewhere and kiss.

Javad

I am a single person seeking a monogamous relationship. 

What are your thoughts on monogamy? 

When I'm dating, I prefer to give all my energy to a single person and build a meaningful relationship with just them. I enjoy the part of a partnership where you become entwined and enmeshed in each other. Delving into another person and openly sharing the precious parts of you in order that they can be received with love. 

How would you describe your dating style? 

Intentional, direct, empathetic, monogamous, and playful.

What brought you to Feeld?

Seeking someone who is more playful and open to exploring together.

What keeps you on Feeld?

Meeting people who either teach me things, or allow me to explore myself with them.

What is your favorite Feeld story or memory? 

I was dating someone that was super into sharing the nerdiest parts of us. It really made the parts of me that I keep small feel special.

What kind of people are you looking for?

A cross between someone who has their life together professionally (love an ambitious woman), someone who has an edge and some playful crassness to them, and a sensual supportive partner who is eager to share and explore themselves and me.

Ideal first date? 

Something fun that gets both of us out of our shell and laughing. Coffees or drinks are too basic for me. Let's go rock climbing or bowling, or to an arcade.

Maegan

I am a single person seeking a monogamous relationship. 

What are your thoughts on monogamy? 

Monogamy is having a partner who’s always got my back. We’re there for each other to celebrate and to mourn. I enjoy dedicating my time to one person and cultivating something special with them. My time is very limited; it feels good to invest it in someone who has a shared vision for our future. TLDR; partnership! And, hey, whatever happens later is always up for discussion ;)

How would you describe your dating style? 

Intentional, with a focus on long-term partnership.

What brought you to Feeld?

I’ve been on Feeld for years, probably since 2018. It was the only platform that allowed me to list myself as queer and search for other queer people. I see sex as a tenet of a relationship and I appreciate Feeld’s openness and candor around sex and sexuality. I’m not a straight normie (no shade, I just don’t fit into that box) and it’s hard to find a space where I feel other people “get” me.

What is your favorite Feeld story or memory? 

Meeting partners who have helped me grow as a human by learning to trust others and myself.

What kind of people are you looking for?

Jewish!!!! Lol. But they never list themselves as Jewish, so I have to keep guessing. Folks who seem experienced in kink; who understand consent; and who are kind, patient, and seem to know themselves well.

Ideal first date? 

Late night at a museum followed by tea/dessert at a cute restaurant.