Exploring non-binary identities: Agender and beyond

More and more so, we’re coming to embrace alternative conceptualizations of gender identity, between and beyond just “man” or “woman.” And outside of Western society, this is nothing new. Indigenous cultures around the world have long recognised mixed or additional genders, from the Native American Two-Spirits and Hindu hijras to the Zapotec muxes of Oaxaca, Mexico. 

So what does it mean to be non-binary? What can it look like in practice? And what should you know if you’re rethinking your own gender identity, or trying to support someone else who is?

What does non-binary mean?

“Non-binary” is an umbrella term for all gender identities that don't fit within the man/woman binary. Non-binary folks don’t identify exclusively as a man or a woman, but perhaps both, neither, somewhere in between, something else entirely—or they may just reject gender categories full stop. 

“Enby” is sometimes used as another name for non-binary folks (it’s a phonetic pronunciation of the letters "N" and "B"). Some see it as a less formal, more affectionate term—but it doesn’t resonate with everyone. So it’s best to ask how someone feels about it before you refer to them as an enby.

Specific non-binary identities

Some folks just identify as “non-binary,” without sub-categorisation. The term can be a sufficient identity in and of itself—allowing for fluidity, flexibility, and personal interpretation. That said, there are other labels that encapsulate more distinct experiences of gender; specific types of non-binary identity, we’ll call them. 

So let’s run through a non-exhaustive list.

Agender

Agender folks don't identify with any gender. They have no sense of being a man, woman, or anything in between or outside of this (alternative terms to agender include gender-neutral, genderfree, ungendered, or genderblank.)

A common misconception is that agender people are simply “confused” or “indecisive.” In reality, agender people often have a clear sense of their relationship to the gender spectrum—which is that they’re simply not on it.

Bigender

Bigender people have two distinct gender identities, rather than a singular one. They could identify as both a man and a woman, for example, or any other combination that’s available to them. 

A bigender person might embody both of their genders simultaneously, at all times, or fluctuate between them. If it’s the former, they might maintain a singular, consistent gender expression that blends elements of both genders (e.g. with regard to their clothing, behavior, and pronouns). But if it’s the latter, they might change their gender expression over time, depending on which gender they feel more connected to. 

Pangender

Pangender folks identify as a potentially vast multitude of genders. Some describe it as resonating with any and all genders, to a possibly infinite degree. So a pangender person could identify as a man, woman, non-binary, and anything beyond this (bar genders that are culturally distinct, if they're not from those cultures).

Similar to being bigender, a pangender person might embody all of their genders at once, or fluctuate between them. And they might identify with some more or less than others, too.

A similar term is polygender, which describes people who identify with several—but not necessarily all or many—genders.

Learn more about what it means to be pangender.

Demigirl and demiboy

A demigirl is someone who partially, but not fully, identifies as a girl or woman. They might feel a significant connection to womanhood, without it reflecting their entire gender experience. Maybe it’s a consistent, lower-level femininity, or one that fluctuates, and/or alternates with other gender identities over time. 

The demiboy identity works the same way. Demiboys partially, but not fully, identify as a boy or man—which might be a stable, consistent experience, or it might shift in intensity and/or switch out with other gender identities.

You don’t have to have been assigned female at birth (AFAB) to identify as a demigirl, or assigned male at birth (AMAB) to be a demiboy. Folks who were assigned female, male, intersex, or anything else can resonate with both respectively.

Other non-binary adjacent terms

While we’re diving deep on language, there are other, broader terms relating to gender nonconformity that overlap with both non-binary identity as a whole and the more specific identities within it. Some key ones include:

Genderqueer

Genderqueer can describe any gender that falls outside of the man-woman binary—similar to “non-binary.” Folks of any non-binary identity—be they agender, bigender, pangender etc—might also consider themselves genderqueer. 

Some people consider genderqueer a more “politically-charged” label, though, in its implications of actively queering ideas of gender. Having originated in queer activist circles in the ’90s, it feels bold and celebratory—a middle finger to rigid gender roles.

Some people mix up “genderqueer” with “gender non-conforming,” but there are nuances to these terms. The latter can include people who express or present their gender in unconventional ways: so they might have a binary identity, i.e. as a man or woman, but subvert prescribed notions of what they should look like, or how they should behave, in light of this.

Genderfluid

To be genderfluid is all about embracing the idea that gender identity doesn’t have to be fixed. Rather, it can change and evolve. Genderfluid folks might feel more connected to a singular gender, like man or woman, at one time, and then switch to another gender, a mix of genders, or no gender at others. (In this way, some folks who have a multigender identity—such as bigender, polygender, or pangender—might also consider themselves genderfluid.)

Genderfluidity can influence how someone chooses to present over time. They might shift the clothes they wear, the pronouns they use, and how they behave, depending on what feels authentic to them at the time. For some folks, all of this can change daily or weekly, while for others, it could happen less often; maybe over months or years. 

Genderflux

Genderflux relates to how a person's experience of gender can fluctuate in intensity over time. While their gender identity might stay the same, the strength with which they connect to it can change. For example, maybe someone’s a demigirl, and on some days they feel a stronger connection to girl- or womanhood—whilst on others, it feels diluted, or less pronounced.

Two-Spirit

Two-Spirit is a culturally distinct gender term that encompasses aspects of both a feminine and masculine spirit. It’s an umbrella term, of sorts, for the many mixed-gender identities traditionally found among many Native Americans and Canadian First Nations indigenous groups. 

An indigenous non-binary person isn’t automatically Two-Spirit, nor will a Two-Spirit person necessarily identify as non-binary. But the two identity groups can overlap. (And for the record, folks who aren’t from these indigenous cultures shouldn’t use the Two-Spirit label.)

Support and resources for non-binary folks

For many, living with a non-binary gender identity can be both liberating and challenging. And everyone’s journey with it is different. But there are some things you can do to show yourself love along the way.

• Explore your identity—and embrace flexibility. Give yourself time to figure out what non-binary really means and looks like to you. Don’t be afraid to experiment with different labels, pronouns, and expressions. And know that nothing has to be fixed. We all change and evolve, and if that means shifting between different understandings or expressions of your gender, that’s valid.

  
  

• Find your community. Connecting with others who share your experiences can be game-changing for helping you feel at home in the world. Explore online forums and other queer-friendly digital spaces, such as Feeld. Check out LGBTQ+ events, or find local support groups in your area.  

  
  

• Seek affirmative care. There are healthcare providers, therapists, and counselors out there who are knowledgeable and passionate about supporting queer identities, and will respect and validate who you are. When you need care, try to find them if you can.

  
  

• Advocate for yourself. Communicate your needs around names, pronouns, and any other ways people can validate you. Practice disclosing your identity in ways that feel comfortable, so that it gets easier. But boundaries are okay too; you don’t have to explain yourself to everyone if you’d rather not. 

  
  

You can find more resources and support at: 

• The Trevor Project
• Trans Lifeline
• PFLAG

These are also great places to direct people in your life to if they want to learn more about your experience.

Support and resources for allies

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach being an ally to non-binary people—since everyone has different experiences and needs. But making an effort to listen, learn, and advocate for the community is a great starting point.

So what does that look like?

• Read up. Take a moment to learn about gender diversity and the specific experiences of non-binary people (organizations like the Human Rights Campaign, PFLAG, and The Trevor Project offer resources and guidance). And stay open-minded. Even if you don’t immediately understand someone’s experiences, it doesn't mean they’re not valid.

  
  

• Ask thoughtful questions. While it’s important to do your own learning, showing curiosity about, and interest in, someone’s personal experiences can help them feel seen. 

  
  

• Get people’s pronouns right. Some non-binary folks use gender-neutral pronouns like they/them, or neopronouns like xe/xem and ze/zirs. Others might be happy with any and all pronouns, including she/her and he/him. And some people might change their pronouns over time. The key is simply to ask. 

  
  

• Challenge other people’s ways of thinking. If you hear friends or family speaking in ways that erase or devalue queer and non-binary experiences, call them in, and help educate them. Support efforts to create more inclusive spaces, too, whether at work, school or in social settings.

  
  

Identity is a vast and complex thing. But interrogating and understanding what it really means to us can be joyful and liberating. When we acknowledge that multiple and even many gender realities and experiences can exist alongside each other, in a single person, we’re opening the door to a more connected human experience.

So whether you’re exploring your own gender identity, seeking to support someone else in theirs, or you’re just generally curious, kudos to you. Keep learning with help from Feeld’s Glossary—and download the app today for non-binary-friendly dating.